Domestic Violence: Equality in Genders
Person 1 (P1) closes the bedroom door slightly in order to get undressed. Person 2 (P2) interprets this as slamming the door in their face ... P2 delivers a full force blow to P1’s face. It is like a thunderstorm: P1 sees a panorama of fork lightning, somewhat speeded up, followed perceptibly later by a searing pain right across P1’s face and a hissing in P1’s ears. The pain abates, but this hissing does not. P1’s vision becomes blurred. P1 pleads to P2 to stop this. P2 hits P1 again. P1 goes down to the kitchen, hoping that P2 will calm down. P2 is there immediately. P2 pushes P1 into a corner and takes a kitchen knife with an 8” blade from the block. P2 is now holding this over-arm, above P1, threatening to stick it in. (Allen-Collinson)
What you have just read is a real scenario, recorded by a real person in a real journal. When you were reading, was P1 a man or a woman? What about P2? It might shock you to learn that a man recorded this incident about how his wife victimized him. The abuse is shocking solely because it is a woman initiating the violence. If the roles had been reversed, the scenario still would have been upsetting but much less surprising. However, recent studies are beginning to show that not only women often the initiators of intimate partner violence (IPV) but, they are equally as likely to do so. Since the 1970’s numerous studies have been conducted demonstrating the symmetry in statistics stating that women and girls are just as likely to be the initiators of domestic violence as are men and boys. However, these studies are repeatedly disregarded, denigrated or ignored altogether. Instead of support or a safe haven, many of these men are not only turned away but also revictimized by a system that favors women.
Studies that we will examine suggest that not only is domestic violence against men a significant problem in our society, it is also one of the most underrepresented crimes due to its controversial nature. This controversy stems from the idea that highlighting violence against men perpetrated by female partners will somehow detract from the efforts made my feminist groups to focus on domestic violence against women. Some websites go so far as to exaggerate statistics of violence perpetrated against women by intimate partners by numbers nearly 50% greater than what they actually are as reported by the FBI.
One of the first problems encountered when researching this topic is the apparent lack of research in this field. Due to discrimination with regards to male victims of domestic violence and the cockamamie idea that such a thing couldn’t possibly be as bad as it could be for a woman, the information on the topic is limited, at best. The most prevalent form of investigation in this area comes in the form of the survey. That being said, most of these are blips on the radar met by feminist lawyers seeking to maintain the idea that the focus should be on domestic violence committed against women.
One of the primary results of studies in the field of female perpetrated IPV is the exposed gap in the narratives about these instances of abuse. Where there accounts made by women could fill volumes, the accounts made by men are severely lacking in documentation. This stems from the stereotypical view about violence and about men in general. For a man to admit that he is in an abusive relationship, he must also admit to weakness and other traits that are considered undesirable in men. In addition, the power structure that has been set up for us, historically, is ill prepared to cope with the concept of women in power. Prior to the 1800’s there were very few of such women recorded in history. Women have been regarded as ‘helpless’ and ‘incapable’ for so long, society no longer knows how to react to a woman who abuses the power that she has.
The nature of violence is historically linked to a masculine energy however, this assumption is inherently flawed as research has shown and continues to show that women are equally likely to be violent and/or aggressive in intimate relationships. In fact, according to Dennis Hines et all, four conclusions can be made about the roles of men and women in domestic violence situations: “(1) the majority of women do not cite self-defense as a motive for their violence against their male partners, but rather anger, jealousy, retaliation for emotional hurt, efforts to gain control and dominance, and confusion; (2) half of all violent arguments are initiated by women; (3) in approximately 50% of violent relationships the violence is mutual, in approximately 25% the violence is perpetrated by only the male, and in approximately 25% the violence is perpetrated only by the female and; (4) on average, men do not have more power than women in American families.” (Hines, et all)
Despite this, we continue to see the stereotype of women being helpless and as such, incapable of violence – at least in comparison of the males propensity towards violence. Women are seen as less aggressive and less violent due to their smaller frame but research has repeatedly shown this to be untrue. The only constant in scenarios of IPV is the mindset and willingness to resort to violence as a means of achieving compliance from a partner. Nevertheless, due to our societal inability to respond to women who are violent within the confines of an intimate relationship and the notions of what masculinity is for our culture, the man who is abused is made to feel like a prisoner within his relationship because of the stigma that the traditional gender role creates:
The following incidents are verbatim accounts taken from men by the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men (DAHM). It is the only resource of its kind and they consistently obtain such horror stories of men not only experience severe IPV but also discriminated against by a system that not only suspects them but expects them to be the initiators in these violent encounters.
“I called eleven different numbers for battered women and got no help.”
“She stabbed me with a knife, and I didn’t even defend myself, and after I got out of the hospital two weeks later, the court tells me to go to a group they say is for victims. It turns out to be for batterers and I am expected to admit to being an abuser and talk about what I did to deserve getting stabbed.”
“J tried to access the limited resources available in his area in an attempt to initiate couples counseling. Reaching out for help left J feeling further abused; he was treated with suspicion, disbelief and thinly veiled accusations that he was a ‘batterer.’ [DAHM confirmed. The first response of the agency supervisor was, ‘Why would a man call a helpline if he were not the abuser.’]”
Moreover, there is the shocking revelation that approximately 45% of these male callers were from fields that are stereotypically male dominated fields such as law enforcement, construction work and high-level degree fields such as medicine. Only about 18% of the callers were disabled and only another 9% were unemployed. These men would not categorize themselves as feminine or weak so, the reasons they put up with such behaviors from their female partners is even more baffling to researchers.
In addition to the discrimination encountered by men who experience such violent tendencies from their intimate partner, they have to a certain degree been indoctrinated with the idea that this is simply how things are and that the ‘right thing’ to do is to accept the behaviors. This ideology stems from the idea that ‘real men don’t hit women’. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with this idea but the psychological effect is profound. First, we must consider the language that is presented. The phrase carries with it distinct gender segregations – it does not infer that it is unacceptable for one person to hit another. The phrase simply states that men cannot or should not hit women. It also says nothing to the reverse – there is nothing in this phrase that indicates that it is also inappropriate for women to hit men.
Our society is built upon the idea that men are strong and women are weak. From the time that our children are very young, boys hitting other boys is more widely accepted than that same boy hitting a little girl. It plays in the heads of our boys and men like a broken record, “Real men don’t hit women. Ever.” Within the confines of this expectation is a failure to demonstrate that violence against any other person is unacceptable and that women perpetrating violence against men should be as deplorable as domestic violence perpetrated against women. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Instead, what we see is a system set up to favor women while recoiling at and ridiculing male victims, sometimes going so far as to revictimize them.
Many of the rights that women now enjoy are still relatively new in contrast to the span of history. Ultimately, women are still striving to meet the challenges and demands of these new rights and liberties. Unfortunately, the true value of these rights and liberties can never be achieved unless that equality is fully afforded men as well. Domestic violence is a deplorable situation for any person experiencing it and for us as a society to marginalize one group of people because of their gender essentially undoes all the work that the Women’s Rights Movement sought to achieve for their own gender is equally appalling.
References
ALLEN-COLLINSON, J. (2009). A Marked Man: Female-Perpetrated Intimate Partner Abuse. International Journal of Men's Health, 8(1), 22-40. doi:10.3149/jmh.0801.22
Basile, S. (2005). A Measure of Court Response to Requests for Protection. Journal of Family Violence, 20(3), 171-179. doi:10.1007/s10896-005-3653-x
Cheung, M., Leung, P., & Tsui, V. (2009). Asian male domestic violence victims: services exclusive for men. Journal of Family Violence, 24(7), 447-462. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.
Hines, D., Brown, J., & Dunning, E. (2007). Characteristics of Callers to the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men. Journal of Family Violence, 22(2), 63-72. doi:10.1007/s10896-006-9052-0
Muller, H., Desmarais, S., & Hamel, J. (2009). Do judicial responses to restraining order requests discriminate against male victims of domestic violence?. Journal of Family Violence, 24(8), 625-637. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.
