Who are you?

Philosophy 112 - A Journey

This semester, I've the pleasure of taking a philosophy course with the locally acclaimed instructor, Tom Donovan. I'm thrilled to have the opportunity. As part of the course work, we are required to keep a journal in which we will write our reactions to the readings and questions posed in class. Each class session, we will have approximately 10 minutes to respond to an assigned query. Additionally, Donovan encourages us to revisit our journals at least twice during the week. I've decided to share my journal entries semi-openly as a matter of reflection and a practice in openness.

Journal Entry 1 - Who are you?
1/24/13

Well, let's get spacey. I am everything and nothing. I am the briefest of moments and exist eternally. Matter cannot be created nor destroyed. I am you. We are all made of stardust. You are me. We all connected - at our most fundamental, microscopic level, we are one. I am the product of generations upon generations of procreation. I am the pink lady my mother ordered at the bar the night she met my father. I am the sum of all my decisions and the ripples of the decisions of those around me, but I am greater than the sum of my parts. I exist now, and in the moment I was born and every moment in between into infinite time. There are things that I was born to do, but they are not who I am. I could just as easily cast them off to waste my time as I could to accept them. These callings to do not define me. Who I am is the will to persevere. I am a teacher, a healer, an artist and a friend.

What defines me are my experiences: all the things I have done, the people I have loved, the people I have lost, the mistakes I've made, the lessons I've learned. All these intangibles are what create the kaleidoscope that is me. It is an image that is constantly shifting. With each new day, I have the opportunity to become someone new - to try on a new frame of mind. That that I want to but, the choice is there. Who am I?

People cannot be summed up by a collection of adjectives; "I am smart, funny, pretty, strong, etc". I could tell you that I was once a waitress. I could tell you I was once a nanny. I could tell you that I was once someones mother. I could tell you I was once someones wife. But these don't necessarily give you an answer as to who I am. I once knew a circus clown who hated children. Her occupations would indicate otherwise, but she loathed them.

I believe that the truth of a person is much more complex. I am different things to different people. To my fiance', I am the purveyor of tasty food and the "best person" he has ever met. To my friends, I am a confidante; the pinnacle of professionalism. I am a source of support - someone they can lean on if they're in trouble. To my parents, I was once the 'black sheep' now turned 'golden child'. To my late spouse, I was many things. To him, I was a liar (now recovering). To him I was the source of more joy and more pain than any other person had ever been To him I was a saint and a whore - all because of a perceived transgression (because the nature of our relationship didn't lend itself to the concept of ownership). I have been so many things.

I am a hug that brightens the day; I am a random act of kindness; I am the reed that bends in the wind. But, most of all, I think I AM the journey - answering this question. I don't think anyone CAN answer this question - not definitively, if for no other reason than the answer will always be in flux. Who I am now is not the same person as who I was when I was thirteen years old, loosing my virginity behind a Catholic church. And who I am now is not who I will be when I am 60, 70, 80 years old. But, who I am is all of these things because that 80 year old woman is me and will still be that thirteen year old girl and I will still be the 'black sheep' no matter how long I exist as the 'golden child'.